Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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