I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
