im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
