I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
