i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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