Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
