Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
