my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
