I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize