JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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