Don't make out with my wife yet
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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