Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
