I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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