also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
