i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
