dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
