Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You are the jesus of drinking
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
