i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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