Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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