I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
