I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
