Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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