I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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