I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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