How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize