ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
