I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
