I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
