mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize