I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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