in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
