The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
