You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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