He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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