So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize