Its about making memories worth repressing
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
