Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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