I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
