does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
