you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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