I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
