I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
