They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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