From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
