What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
