when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
