I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize