You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
