I want to have your abortion
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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