I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
