No I am not eating basil off your cock
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
