Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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