I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
