Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
