so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize