Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
