my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
