DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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