Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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