I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
