I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
