I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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