It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
