Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
