I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
