They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
