if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
