The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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