Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
