So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
