the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
