ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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