I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
