I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize