so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
