Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
