Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
