You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
