dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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