maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
