saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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