Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
