walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize