She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
