Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All I want is dick and wine.
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