Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
