White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
