I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
