Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
we should paint friendship bongs
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
